" I know you believe you understand what you think i said, but i am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what i ment." - Greenspan
" how come every time i'm in da kitchen, you in da kitchen, eatin' up all my God-damn food. Eatin' up all my chit'lins, eatin' up all my PIIIIGGGSSS feet, Eatin' up my pie. I EAT! I want me some of dem chit'lins, I want me some of dem PIIIIGGGGSSS feet. Where the hell you goin'? PUT some water on that godamn cereal." -the dad from friday
" Nursery school- the hellishness begins- Lay on your back during naptime and feign sleep. When the teacher walks by, look up her dress. Your educacion has begun." - Matt Groening ( rhymes with " complaining" so he says)
" today an old lady came through my line complaining of how old she was. I responded with ' well maybe its just your time to go' she didn't laugh. Albert ( my supervisor didn't either)" - Kyle swan
" I chose you, bear!" - quinn in reference to real life pokemon. Afterwards, he announced " I chose you kyle!" and proceded to hit him in the head with a floppy disk.
" I want to eat your children" -Mike tyson, to which his opponent ( who has no children) responded, " You'll have to eat my left hand and my right hand first."
" Don't tell me not to talk about sex just because you haven't had it in 45 years!" -quinn, speaking to an old ugly woman on the bus.
"When i finally came3 to, my face was painted green, the blender was set to " frappe" and bob saget was nowhere to be found.... no, no! I retorted- shiver YOUR timbers.... It was the first and the LAST time i would lie to a Native American"- DAN MIRK
" Your better looking than me and you don't have a girlfriend.... you must be doing SOMETHING wrong"- kyle to quinn
"oh yeah, well at least im not at home masturbat.... oh wait a minute" quinn to kyle
" today an old indian came through my line. He told me to get a haircut. I hate i how old indians think they always have something important to say. he wasn't even a real fucking indian. he was a casino indian." - Kyle swan, who recently quit his job at vons
" Oh dainty duck oh dear" - Shakespeare, who also had a drinking problem
" I have a venturous fairy that shall seek the squirel's hoard and fetch three new nuts." - shakespeare, who is only funny out of context
" I am the missing link between man and nerd" sean, when asked about his social life
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